“Choosing Must is the greatest thing we can do with our lives.”
THIS BOOK, is the result of THIS ARTICLE’S viral moment which was in fact, about 5 years ago. So, you could say I’m late to the party here, but I like to think I’m RIGHT ON TIME. Perhaps it’s right on time for you too(?) because really, its never too late to discover or choose your Must.
The book is a wonderful course and quick read in choosing should versus Must. I love that it’s not just about choosing Must in moments of life where big crossroads present themselves, but that it’s also about the ongoing work of choosing Must.
It includes practical tips and questions for becoming aware of your most tempting shoulds (and where they come from – so useful!) as well as exercises for finding your Must.
I’ve sometimes wished that choosing Must was something I would only need to do a handful of times throughout life at crucial moment or key junctures. Actually, when I was a kid I imagined life like this: “If as I grow up I can manage to get a few key decisions correct at a few key junctures then everything will turn out okay and ‘ I will be set.’” That theory went out the window a long awhile ago and what I’ve found to replace it aligns with Luna’s perspective and that is: Big Must moments do happen, but its the after math of living into those Musts, sticking to them or allowing them to shift and letting them develop and evolve that’s even more important. Usually these aspects of choosing Must are the real challengers, but also the path of fulfillment and ongoing purpose in life.
As Luna says, “There are two paths in life: Should and Must. We arrive at this crossroads over and over again. And each time, we get to choose.”
Ele Luna’s perspective on should vs must helped me continue to redefine my perspective about Must and I really resonate with this articulation of Must:
“Must is who we are, what we believe, and what we do when we are alone with our truest, most authentic self. It’s our instincts, our cravings and longings, the things and places and ideas we burn for, the intuition that swells up from somewhere deep inside of us. Must is what happens when we stop conforming to other people’s ideals and start connecting to our own. Because when we choose Must, we are no longer looking for inspiration out there. Instead, we are listening to our calling from within, from some luminous, mysterious place.”
“Must is that which calls us most deeply.”
And here’s some more truth about Must that I really appreciate this book spending some time on .
“When we discover our must, the brain’s most primal, protective center gets alarmed. The riot gear is called forth. Defense mechanisms go up. Because choosing Must raises very real and scary questions.”
If you’ve ever pursued something you REALLY care about that feels bigger than YOU you’ve had this experience. It’s the experience of your inner dialogue going bananas —- constantly shouting out reasons right and left of why something won’t work or why it’s a bad idea or why its not good enough or why you’re an idiot and on and on and on. It pulls out all the stops and brings up all the fears.
Luna points out that another big argument those inner voices and critics will bring out is that choosing Must is selfish. It may feel that way (I’ve experienced it feeling that way), but in fact it will inspire others to do the same and this ‘lifts the collective human experience.’
And I think as a collective we’d be a good deal better off if we were all living from our Must.
Must isn’t always easy but it’s the place from which I really want to live and not just in critical moments of decision but day to day. Like Luna, I believe we all have a Must or Must within us and it’s my biggest wish and hope for the world that we all tap into and live from our unique Must.
“The most sustainable Musts happen slowly, thoughtfully and quietly.”
SO, stick with it. It’s normal that things don’t happen overnight. It’s a process of creating and choosing and continuing to create and choose.
I really love working with people who are choosing big Musts or are in the after math of a ‘big Must decision’ and figuring out what that means for their everyday. It’s an absolute joy to coach people committed to Must because…
“Choosing Must is the greatest thing we can do with our lives.”
Free Download - Clarify Your Highest Values
This worksheet includes a values checklist, prioritization exercise and reflection questions to help you get crystal clear on what is most important to you right now - a great first step away from SHOULD and towards MUST.